WHO AM I, or WHO I AM,

are two separate statements of being.  The first statement is igniting the current flames of social and political conversations today.  Male or Female Gender.  How are they determined?   The latter statement speaks directly to how each of us find ourselves in relation to how we perceive our being as it relates to our biology, and how this biology propels us to react, feel, and relate to other beings.  Quite a lot to think about.

In thinking about this matter of gender I only have myself as the example. I find myself in female form because of my biology.  I am called a woman.  Biologically I have all the internal physical body parts that indicate femaleness, I have the potential to reproduce (not recently),  have a monthly menstrual flow, produce milk from my breasts to  feed my new-born; I have hormones that support new life, that support menstruation, muscle and hair growth that will differentiate me from my brother; who on the flip side does not have any of what I just mentioned, instead he has Gonads instead of ovaries, a Penis instead of a Vagina, and hormones that do not directly support reproduction.  This makes my brother biologically different physically and designated Male by the Universal Designator.

There is male and female.   I find myself Female and it neither pleases nor displeases me.  Since I don’t have any other form of existence I have nothing to compare my femaleness with, and I find it impossible to feel Male. Nor can I feel Female as such.  I just am who I am.

Because of this I cannot speak to the idea of someone who say they are woman physically but feel like a man within their being.  I cannot feel male and no matter how hard I try to visualize a Penis dangling betwixt my thighs (yes, dangle. My penis would dangle), I cannot get a feel as to how it would be.  I can’t perceive what it feels like to be hairy and well endowed.  Believe me I have tried, nothing happens.  I also must admit that nothing happens either when I try to feel my Uterus or Ovaries as a stamp of female identification. I cannot conceptualize my Vagina except to know that I have one and that it is useful to me only in my ‘beingness’, and its Vagina-ness.  It is not my sister’s Vagina. She has her own Vagina-beingness to contemplate.

It would seem so far to be shaping up to feel like we are spiritually fish nor fowl until we occupy some mortalness. I don’t know what it feels like to be a woman because it isn’t something to feel, is what I am arguing.

Rather, it is something to be. To be female. I am desperately trying to understand the feeling of being trans-gendered or of having my gender mis-placed from my Spirit. How is that even possible? If I am accepting that we began as a blank slate and then guided by a Divine force to a gender that is assigned to each fetus, how is it even possible that an error was made? If the ‘Being’ was assigned a female identity and upon maturity it began to feel other than Female, what is the trigger? May I argue that a neurological disorder is triggering a psychological confusion of selfness?

And then, there are those men who like female clothing and on the reverse, some women  like male attire.  This doesn’t mean that these people are feeling other than who they are. They just have a penchant for all manner of clothing.  In extreme cases they are called transvestite, of the male and female order. These beings have no desire to change their gender.  What am I left with at this point? A host of new genders falling under the heading of Transgender.  This of course introduces a very famous Transgender, Caitlin Jenner.  Is she or isn’t he?  No one knows for sure.  I would like to posit a few things just to make a case on being a woman.  Caitlin still has a Penis (as far as I know via the media), she still has her Gonads and her testosterone hormones and the need to shave regularly. Caitlin’s reproductive organs sired 10 children so she is indubitably gendered Male at the start to have been able to impregnate a female(s) of the specie.

Recently she took growth hormones which implanted on her intrinsic female cells (remember we all began with female cells) that allowed her to grow some breasts.  She redefined her facial structure to look softer in the cheeks.  She never had a menstrual period, she just couldn’t.  She has never had any of the experiences known only to women, so how therefore can she feel like a woman when I can’t even feel my womanliness as a thing to feel? I am infused with femaleness after every menstrual cycle, every time I give birth, every time I am mounted by the male and experience penetration, I am reminded of it every time some random man leer at me and screams “Pussy”or I discover that I am being paid less than my male counterpart on the job, so on (so much more i could say).

Mister Jenner, now known as Ms Jenner has only had Male experiences as designated by gender at birth. I have no idea what goes on in his/her head when he sees a woman that he fancies, and I never will be able to. How then can he claim to feel so much like a woman that he is changing into one? Being a woman is not something to change into. Even mythological shape shifter have a fundamental state of being from which to morph from each time they shift shape for the purpose of deception of some sort.  Male and female are fundamental states of being and cannot be altered, and if you try to do that you are left with a facsimile, a look-a-like, not the original.  Original begins at conception.

I sympathize with the people who feel Trans-gendered and wish I knew what to suggest, but in my heart I feel that the issue is psychological, rather than a mistake in Gender.  A quirk of nature we don’t understand or know how to fix.  Gender is Divine.

I beg forgiveness if my opinions offend any reader, it isn’t my intention. I am sincerely hopeless as to how to help this quagmire we are facing.  People are hurting, families are being destroyed while we squabble over morals and bathrooms.  Respectfully submitted.