THE JOKE IS ON YOU.

September 12, 2016 Musings Comments 0 Comment

My friend told me she mailed me a film called ‘What the Bleep.’

I thought she was being respectful and didn’t wish to curse in the email, but the real name of the film was “What the Fuck!!”

The film she said I’d enjoy because it delved into my preferred topics

Physics, Quantum Mechanics, Quarks the whole nine yards.

I was so excited and couldn’t wait for the mail, that the next day I went to the bookstore and before I even did my usual shelf crawling I dashed over to the music and DVD section and breathlessly approached the sales clerk who knows my name and face. I just had to see a copy this wonderful film and read the back story on the jacket.

“Hi, Matthew”, I greeted the sales clerk, “could you check a title for me, it’s a bit racy, I struggled, but.”

“Sure Rhys, what is it?”
“Uhm, I stuttered, it’s really really racy I said softly. “

“Go ahead”, he urged me. I straightened up my shoulders and in my best upper St. Andrew voice I said,
“It’s called What the Fuck.”

The sales clerk and the other bookstore attendant who was standing close by, stared at each other briefly before they fell into a fit of laughter. The one who I had asked the question, recovered his composure and said,

“Rhys, we most certainly don’t have anything with such a title, but we do have something called “What the Bleep.”

A morbid shame blanketed me. I wanted to dry up and be blown away.
“Jesus in heaven” I screamed within.

I kept whispering how sorry I was as they laughed and laughed, slapping their thighs as I shrunk from 5′ 6″ to barely a foot…..my eyes watered with shame and the need to be in a dream I could wake from.

Not so. This was my reality….

I grabbed the copy I was handed and fled behind a shelf. I could hear them wheezing with laughter. When I came back to the counter with the disk, I apologized again in an even weaker voice and handed the item to the attendant.

“So you aren’t gonna buy it? The clerk asked,
“What the…..?” he said in mock anger as he slapped the counter and shrieked with laughter again.

I scuttled through the connecting arch back into the book section and headed out to the parking lot to my car. I had to go somewhere to die with dignity.